The Gym with VSCO Dwayne, by Wyatt

It was Saturday evening. It was quiet, too quiet. And then Roger farted. As that toxic gas filled the air, I was running 10 miles on the treadmill. We were in the gym roughly 1pm to 6am. I’ve been running 10 hours straight. And for four hours, I’ve been lifting four pound dumbbells. And for two hours, I’ve been doing the rowing thing. And for the last one hour, I’ve been chugging Coca Cola. And then, when I was about to do another 40 minutes on the rowing thing, Dwayne “the VSCO” Johnson came in. (Dramatic)

As Dwayne “the VSCO” Johnson came in with his Hydroflasksksksksksksks, he said hi to Roger and that he slayed all day. He said ‘sup to Roger’s girlfriend and told her to go save the turtles.  As he walked up to me, I was expecting the best greeting in the whole wide world. But instead, I got chucked out the window. Like I did to Sarah in the last blog. As I fell from the sky, I was praying that someone, something would save me. But it wasn’t either. It wasn’t a he or a she. It was my magical unicorn bestie from Walmart. His name…was McFluffin Vernonhout Sparkletoes. And McFluffin Vernonhout Sparkletoes isn’t just any unicorn, he… is…a…unicorn that I bought off the top shelf from Walmart. Apparently, he can talk to you, neigh, be a Furry, and get sturdy (the dance move).

McFluffin Vernonhout Sparkletoes' face profile

As I rode him back up to the 8th floor, I jumped back through the window and I saw the most horrific thing in the world. (Dramatic) It was Dwayne “the VSCO” Johnson. But I, and as you all know, I’m the man, the myth, the legend, I leaped through that window like it was nothing. I walked up to Dwayne “the VSCO” Johnson and I punched him in the face. Dwayne kidnapped me and took me to a place where it was violent. It was WWE.

This is my life now.


As Dwayne hopped into the ring with his undies on, I decided that I had to go fight him. And with my newly fresh biceps, you can’t turn down from that. I hopped in the ring and when it said 3-2-1 fight, I thought that I actually had a chance. And then Dwayne flipped me onto my back and grabbed a wooden chair and smacked me with it. Long story short, and with a bunch of injuries, we decided to make up and be besties on Tik Tok. And with that newly gold Hydroflask in his hand, me and Dwayne went out to get some Cokes.

HEAVEN.


Editor's Note: Wyatt is clearly taken with blogging. This post was supposed to be about how he used the hotel gym in Stravanger, but then the Rock turned VSCO and a unicorn appeared and some other things happened. Again, A+ for creativity. 

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 15, 2023 at 9:13 PM

    Go Wyatt! Loved your post... Norway is truly inspirational and I am with you a cold Coke can be heaven. Can't wait to hear more...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Roger's #1 FanAugust 17, 2023 at 2:26 PM

    After all the (mis)adventures you and The Rock have experienced in tandem during the past fortnight, I do believe you've made a new life-long friend! The Rock and Roger would also be fast friends.

    I have a few questions, though.

    1. When in Norway, why did you choose to use a row machine in the hotel gym rather than, say, any of the water around you? I have seen the photos from your trip thus far, and it's BEAUTIFUL! The landscape is gorgeous. Almost as breathtaking as Roger dressed to the nines in his shades and bandannas.
    2. Why did you leave your magical unicorn bestie McFluffin Vernonhout Sparkletoes at home? Kudos to them for their sleuthing skills finding you all the way north to Norway. (In time to save you as well!)
    3. Why and how did you and The Rock make up over TikTok? Even after the chair incident?

    And hahaha! You and your Cokes. I hope you, The Rock, and McFluffin Vernonhout Sparkletoes make it stateside safely and as healed as possible before next week. :D

    ReplyDelete

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