Fishing with Dwayne, by Wyatt

It was Thursday morning and we were going fishing. When we got to the dock, we met our guide. Our guide – dramatic pause – was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. We set off to sea. If this is my final post, tell Roger that I love him and I may never return. (Dramatic)

Our fishing guide

About 20 minutes later, on the rough seas of Vestfjorden, we stopped to fish for a little bit. Everybody was catching tiny minnows (even Dwayne was catching small stuff), but I, the man, the myth, the legend, I decided to go for the lottery ticket. When I felt the grab, I started reeling it up. It was a beast, it was a monster. It was like me trying to tame a lion. But I, with my raging biceps and that little patch of hair on my chest, I decided (dramatic) to pull and tug as hard as I can. I thought this was just a three-footer, but when it came up from the ocean, it was a whale. (It was actually like two feet.)

But I, the man, the myth, the legend, don’t back down. I stripped down to my boxers, I jumped into the ocean, and I speared that giant squid.

As we were leaving, I didn’t catch that much fish after all. We went to go see the sea eagles and then Sarah felt like she was going to hurl. I chucked her off the boat and we left without her. RIP Sarah. (Dramatic)

As we went back to shore, I jumped on my pet megalodon and passed that boat like it was nothing. My pet megalodon is named Big Furry Sweetheart. As we got back to the dock, I said my goodbyes to Big Furry Sweetheart and he went off to eat Sarah.

Big Furry Sweetheart

When we had to leave to go to Lofoten Base Camp, I rode Big Furry Sweetheart without a shirt, so all the ladies could see my rippling biceps (dramatic). I rode on Big Furry Sweetheart’s back the whole way to Lofoten Base Camp. I signed in as Tim Timothy and they gave me the key.

As I slept soundly, I got a text from Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (dramatic). It read, “Dear Wyatt, I’m so sad Big Furry Sweetheart ate your mom. But honestly, her gray hair was shameful. Tim Timothy says he misses you and he wishes he had his wife back.” Before I read the rest of the text, I shut off my phone. I called Roger to see how he was doing. He told me that he got really buff and that he has a girlfriend. And after the night, I rode Big Furry Sweetheart back to California. UR MOM.

This young man got insanely buff over the summer.


Editor's Note: This post started off (mostly) with promise. And then the story devolved quickly. Two thumbs up for creativity though. ;)

Comments

  1. Roger's #1 FanAugust 13, 2023 at 11:00 PM

    Wyatt, you're quite the storyteller. How lucky you and your family were to have Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as your guide through Vestfjorden. (Until later, that is, when not everyone makes it back to land.) I think your rippling biceps, tiny patch of chest hair, and natural prowess at fishing must have put poor Dwayne to shame. What do his iconic eyebrows look like when he is embarrassed? I refuse to believe that The Rock -- the man, the myth, the legend -- stood idly by as you tossed your mom off the boat! Certainly this bit is part of your journey that you have used a smidge of poetic license.

    Big Furry Sweetheart must have a great orthodontist. I've never seen a shark, megalodon or not, with straighter teeth. (They're so brilliantly white as well!) And what's this? You impersonated your dad to get the hotel key?! Quite the international RAP sheet you're racking up in Scandinavia, mister. The bright side is you'll be well equipped to write your "What I Did Over Summer Vacation" essay when school starts up! Well, as long as the law doesn't catch up to you first.

    However, I am SO GLAD to hear that Roger is doing well while you're away! Did he meet his new girlfriend while on a walk? Or was it perhaps at the gym since he has gotten so buff lately? Does Taylor know...? I don't think she will take this news well at all, but good for Roger. He is also a big, furry sweetheart, so maybe he and your megalodon would hit it off as instant friends should they ever meet. Also, I have to say, I really think his Phillies cap is RAD!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousAugust 18, 2023 at 9:58 AM

    Salty crew, bruh!

    ReplyDelete

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